In my 26 year career I have used hypnotherapy many times to help people with their breakup. Everyone’s breakup is unique and therapy reflects this by personalising work to the individual. However, there are some common elements.
Understanding relationships
It is worth noting that there are two distinct stages of break up. We shall call these recent and long term.
- Recent – This is when the breakup is still recent and fresh. The person is still dealing with the shock of it. At this stage they are often full of unresolved questions and may even be conflicted about whether the relationship has really ended.
- Long-term – This is when the relationship has been over for a while and the person finds that they are still unable to move on from it. There will tend to be less confusion and doubt as to what the problem is here. For example, it is likely to be apparent that the relationship is genuinely over. Equally, it is likely that there will be only one or two unresolved questions about the relationship.
- Healthy resolution – This is when a person has come to terms with the breakup. They are probably able to see the problems with the relationship and can take balanced learnings from this. This is the point at which they will be able to comfortably consider a new relationship.
Although they are defined by time, there is no specific point at which a person moves from one to another. A person may move to the long-term stage quite rapidly or be stuck in the recent stage for months. Equally, the long-term stage can be very short lived as a person moves rapidly to healthy resolution.
How can hypnotherapy help with a relationship breakup?
The hypnotherapist is likely to take several different approaches to dealing with a relationship breakup. The choice of approach will vary with the individual needs of the person. The goal of therapy is to help move the person closer to healthy resolution. Techniques employed may include
- Counselling and listening – Especially in the early stage of a breakup there may be considerable value in saying aloud what you are thinking. Saying things to another person helps to externalise the thoughts. Externalising thoughts separates them from the emotional context in which they are being had. This allows many of them to be processed in the mind.
- EMDR – This is used when there are traumatic elements to a relationship breakup. A common example of which could be the discovery of infidelity. However, there are far more causes of trauma than infidelity alone and these will be investigated and work on where appropriate. Equally, EMDR can be used to help process the strong feelings which a breakup produces and work through triggers for rumination upon it.
- Systematic desensitisation – In breakups there are usually numerous triggers for rumination upon the relationship. These can be things like places you used to hang out together, music you both listened to, other media you consumed, events you went to and so on. Desensitisation can be used to work through these triggers to reduce their impact.
- Psychodynamic work – Various approaches like regression to childhood, inner child work and parts therapy can be used to help address underlying trends
- Mental organisation and clear out exercises – There work to help provide the foundations of reprocessing which the mind needs to move on from a relationship.
- Acceptance and commitment therapy – Techniques from this school of therapy help provide the framework to establish healthier future relationships.
The next step in get hypnotherapy for my breakup
If you would like to know more please contact Dr Matt Krouwel to discuss or arrange a free consultation. Dr Matt is a long standing member of both the BSCH and the NCH.